Eric Longfellow is a son of a bitch. Last year I caught him in the act of having sex with my girlfriend. Do you want to know what the shit of it is though? As he’s finishing the job, he yells out “cowabunga.” Who does that? What a douche. He lives in the suburbs of Chicago where everyday he practices being a dumb idiot moron that I hate. Oh, who am I kidding? I love the conceited prick. I’m only bitter because I wish I could marry him and spend the rest of my life with the bastard. Sadly, though, that’s not possible. Although, I did have the pleasure of showering with him before, and let me tell you. That is one fine piece of ass. And another thing I will say about him is that he is no smooth cock. What does that even mean? Is he having an inside joke with himself? But, honestly, anyone who doesn’t love Eric Longfellow is probably a communist. Cal Tech conducted a recent experiment scientifically proving that he is “wicked awesome.” Personally, though, I think Eric Longfellow is full of shit. I once saw him read an autobiography and he came off as “mildly retarded.” I don’t know.
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Last updated April 2007.
